Integrating my wife.....

[korisu56]

Wife a creature comforts person. She is a city girl and has slowly started to enjoy camping as an activity. I want to get her into the long trips but am looking for advice as I have slowly and successfully gotten this far an don't want to mess it up now.

Got her into camping by getting her hooked onto REI. She gets happy when she has to buy layers for the weather and stuff like that. When we get to the campsite, I do most of the heavy lifting stuff (collecting/cutting wood, building fire and camp) and she cooks. Perfectly fine with me as long as we're out in the sticks and she's enjoying it.

[taco2go]

Good on ya! :camping:
To seal the deal- Wake up early and watch a quiet sunrise together, piping hot, flavorful cup of coffee in hand.

[overlander]

single most important recommendation. Do it before you have kids. She needs to "like" camping by then. the complications and demands from the mother of camping with infants/toddlers can not be overstated.

two deployments to Iraq sucked up all my pre-kid time for setting these conditions, and now I'm digging in sand trying to get the family energized with two toddlers.

[Errant]

Make sure she's comfortable sleeping, and get her a shower and maybe even porta potty. Those are usually the biggies for most girls. Also find a nice kitchen setup, since she enjoys doing the cooking. Take her shopping at REI, if you've got one local, so that she can get a good look at all that's available.

[Rexsname]

x2 on the shower and porta john.

REX

[overlander]

x3 on shower and porta john. my wife can go one night without a shower before she starts getting uncomfortable.

I have the PETT system with the Outback privy tent, and that alone has changed family camping from a no to a yes.

[barlowrs]

Tips from getting my "city girl"friend to go with me.....

1. A WARM sleeping bag (you know women are ALWAYS cold, mine has been asking for a tent heater in addition to her 0 deg bag and blankets we use, even though its only like 50 deg..haha)
2. A COMFORTABLE place to sleep (mine uses an REI comfort cot, she loves it)
3. If you want her out in the dirt more than 2 days. a Shower is a must (we have solar shower).
4. Dont expect her to look as kindly on digging a hole as we do, a PETT is probably a good idea (I am trying to get mine to accept digging holes though, I dont want to carry those bags in my rig..haha)
5. A privacy room to shower, etc in.

Its nice to be able to take your sig other out on trips and have them participate in something that means so much to all of us in our lives. Good luck

[expedition4x4]

12v hot water heaters are pretty nice coupled with an under truck water tank and a privacy shower, city girls!

[LaOutbackTrail]

My wife being a country girl... may enjoy camping more than me. I can say that some of my worse nights sleep (or lack there of) have been in a tent. Other than that, I love being out and about, its the sleeping part that gets me.

The only problem we face when camping is the personal hygiene. My wife wears contacts and i've got to be sure we have plenty of clean water and the ability for her to wash her hands and get the contacts out and such.

We also went like 3 days without shower while in Colorado. Was rather chilly and didnt have a good way to wash up.

[java]

Tips from getting my "city girl"friend to go with me.....

1. A WARM sleeping bag (you know women are ALWAYS cold, mine has been asking for a tent heater in addition to her 0 deg bag and blankets we use, even though its only like 50 deg..haha)


my wife has a -20 bag, she loves it! and as my old synthetic bag gets older i want one too! :)

but also, you can get sleeping bags with left and right zippers, thats what we have. zip them together for one big bag! :wings:


completely aggree about getting used to camping BEFORE kids. the little one just makes everything way more stressful and complicated.

my wife is awesome though, she can go weeks with out a shower and is happy to be dirty sitting by a fire.

[LaOutbackTrail]

but also, you can get sleeping bags with left and right zippers, thats what we have. zip them together for one big bag! :wings:
Another great point. A double sleeping bag is awesome!

[overlander]

4. Dont expect her to look as kindly on digging a hole as we do, a PETT is probably a good idea (I am trying to get mine to accept digging holes though, I dont want to carry those bags in my rig..haha)


That's the real benefit of carrying a spare on the hood. It's a trash carrier!

[rusty_tlc]

GUYS: A big ammo can is great to act as a secondary containment for PETT or other personal waste bags. We had a primary containment failure in Saline Valley (the worst washboard on the planet) and it was not pleasant. Ammo cans are 100% hermetic, no leaks, no spills, no odors.


A small RV is one of the best investment you can make if you want your SO to enjoy camping. Our little 8' pop-up tent trailer makes camping much more enjoyable for my wife and thereby for me. If we go for more than three nights we always plan a campground with showers into our route. Sometimes we even schedule a hotel night. On a side note I can set up and break camp faster with our tent trailer than I can with a ground tent.

My advice after 30 years of marriage; it all about compromise.

[bigwapitijohnny]

Trekker Fold-A-Privy, Pett toilet, Zodi hot shower system, Comfy cot, Warm sleeping bag, BREAKFAST IN BED with a bouquet of wild flowers (make sure it's not golden rod or ragweed:snorkel:...), PETT bags go into a trash bag in the Trasharoo...Keep up the good work! :victory:

Got my 'Winnebago campin' wife to go camping with these things mentioned above...she even brags now to her friends that she has her own toilet / showering facility...

Regards,

BWJ

[Uncle Roger]

single most important recommendation. Do it before you have kids. She needs to "like" camping by then. the complications and demands from the mother of camping with infants/toddlers can not be overstated.

This is a good suggestion, but if you can't make that work (i.e., too late), go camping with a couple other families. The kids will have a blast running around together and you don't have to entertain them as much. Just make sure (if you're the nervous type) that at least one parent is keeping an eye on them so they don't fall off a mountain or something. It makes life so much easier.

Also, we met a family who brought along an extra, old tent just for the kids to play in. Didn't matter if they got it dirty or knocked it down, that's what it was for. (I'd love to find one of those spring steel pop-open tents cheap just for that!)

[korisu56]

You have all provided extremely valuable insight. I will definitely get a toilet setup. We took a long trip last April and ever 2nd or 3rd night was at a facility or hotel for showers. The first one was scheduled, the second was not. She wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to force the camping.

No kids, so we're trying to get a lot out now.

We also bought her a north face 0 degree bag for the last trip. The only sleeping improvement we're going to make is to get a tent cot. It'll be way more comfortable and we can throw an extra pad on it. I'll save the ground tent for me when i'm with my friends.

I'm planning a 14-18 day trip to go from Delaware to Washington State by way of Canada. I want her to enjoy it as it'll be the longest trek yet

[korisu56]

single most important recommendation. Do it before you have kids. She needs to "like" camping by then. the complications and demands from the mother of camping with infants/toddlers can not be overstated.

two deployments to Iraq sucked up all my pre-kid time for setting these conditions, and now I'm digging in sand trying to get the family energized with two toddlers.

my first few years were busy with the army too and before i go back i'm trying to set a precedence. i graduate in june and it'll be back on the ground running.

[barlowrs]

We also bought her a north face 0 degree bag for the last trip. The only sleeping improvement we're going to make is to get a tent cot. It'll be way more comfortable and we can throw an extra pad on it. I'll save the ground tent for me when i'm with my friends.



Seriously, check out the REI comfort Cots, my girl found these things and they are probably the single best thing EVER. I am used to using small thermorest from my hiking days, and originally made fun of her for these, but they are amazing, I have never slept so well camping (honestly I think they are more comfortable than my bed at home)

http://www.rei.com/product/765277

[rusty_tlc]

....The only sleeping improvement we're going to make is to get a tent cot. It'll be way more comfortable and we can throw an extra pad on it. I'll save the ground tent for me when i'm with my friends.
...

Girls like to be able to stand up when they get dressed. The tent cot may not be your best option in that respect. Also you might read a few reviews here and elsewhere on the double Tent cot, they have a few issues.

In addition to providing a place to change cloths and take a sponge bath a ground tent also gives you the option of having the "facilities" inside for nocturnal use. Going out of the tent, alone, in the dark isn't usually on most wimmens preferred activity list. :elkgrin:

My wife and I are shopping tents right now. For two adults and a dog you need at least a 9'X10' with a 5'6" internal height. Right now the Flex Bar and Spring bow tents are at the top of our list because of the nearly vertical walls which give you much more usable floor space, and the ease of set-up.

[java]

Girls like to be able to stand up when they get dressed. The tent cot may not be your best option in that respect. Also you might read a few reviews here and elsewhere on the double Tent cot, they have a few issues.

In addition to providing a place to change cloths and take a sponge bath a ground tent also gives you the option of having the "facilities" inside for nocturnal use. Going out of the tent, alone, in the dark isn't usually on most wimmens preferred activity list. :elkgrin:

My wife and I are shopping tents right now. For two adults and a dog you need at least a 9'X10' with a 5'6" internal height. Right now the Flex Bar and Spring bow tents are at the top of our list because of the nearly vertical walls which give you much more usable floor space, and the ease of set-up.

i have an alps mountaineering tent, its huge but awesome. 16x10 and 6' in the middle, and has a wall that i put up so the kids crib is separated from us.

[barlowrs]

Yeah, I agree on the space thing, make sure you have lots of space and standing room for the lady. Me and my girl (just the two of us) use a 6 person (REI Base Campo 6) tent. It works great, even with the 2 seperate cots, there is still plenty of room for a BIG bag of clothes (you know how city girls pack) and plenty of standing room to change in.

[Uncle Roger]

Y'all are making me feel pretty darn lucky. My wife was helping me lead backpacking trips for the Sierra Club not long after we started going out. And I'm not sure she had ever really camped before. We traveled all over the western US and Canada in my '59 Land Rover back then too -- no air conditioning, no heat, no nothing.

Nowadays, the only problem she has is going to the bathroom at night -- she's pretty much completely blind in the dark. So a portable toilet and one of those pop-up shelters is very much on the list. If there's reluctance, find out what the issue is (might not be what you think it is) and address that. Repeat as necessary.

Also, take note of the section titled "Let Her Drive" on the right side of the Howard family's website here: http://dormobile.blogspot.com/2010/04/overland-expo-2010-april-16-18-2010.html Not a bad idea; I think I need to take heed of that.

[goldenbeagle]

Married a girl 11 years ago who had been camping maybe a hand full of times in her life. I guess I should mention the fact she grew up in a very wealthy family....so camping to them was lavish RV parked in a KOA.

Our first camping trip was a bust...I screwed up and she was miserable...I screwed up again when we had our first kid and went camping. But then I got smart.

I started off by buying my wife a hiking pack, head lamp, expensive sleeping bag, etc. I did the same for all 3 of my kids. Each time we went camping I made note of what she complained about. I would return home from the trip and buy whatever was on my last of things she talked about (of course with the constant thought of if the item would fit in my rig).

Once we had all the items and she was getting comfortable I stepped things up. I went as detailed as labeling flashlights with what size batteries they took. I made everything easy.

When we go camping I double check her pack, the kids pack, etc. Now, this part is going to sound weird but whatever....I always pack a poetry book, candles, and a bottle of wine. I make every night as romantic as possible.

Happy Wife = Happy Life (especially when your life is all about being outdoors)

(Key items - Shower, warm sleeping, good food, bottle of wine, and without a doubt most import "A SMILE" no matter how angry or pissy she gets. :smiley_drive:

[rusty_tlc]

Before she met me my wife's idea of roughing it was bad room service at the Holiday inn. :sombrero:

I think she truly enjoys camping now, well not so much the actual camping part. But she loves getting out in isolated areas.

[nwoods]

I think she truly enjoys camping now, well not so much the actual camping part. But she loves getting out in isolated areas.

This REALLY resonates with me.

[korisu56]

When we go camping I double check her pack, the kids pack, etc. Now, this part is going to sound weird but whatever....I always pack a poetry book, candles, and a bottle of wine. I make every night as romantic as possible.


This x1000000. I'm gonna do that. I need to make sure that I focus our little trips on that.

The only draw back I see is that if she gets the idea that every little night is about her, how do I integrate into a larger group on long trips? For example, I'm planning a 3500 mile trip from Delaware to Washington through Canada and I have other people that want to go along.

[korisu56]

My problem with huge tents are that they're huge. Haha. I dont' like having a house in the sticks. It's my personal feeling that it detracts from the point of being out there. Maybe I should just get over it and do it for her. Sigh.

[korisu56]

Seriously, check out the REI comfort Cots, my girl found these things and they are probably the single best thing EVER. I am used to using small thermorest from my hiking days, and originally made fun of her for these, but they are amazing, I have never slept so well camping (honestly I think they are more comfortable than my bed at home)

http://www.rei.com/product/765277


Holy Jeebus!!! That think looks sweet. How small does it stow down too?

[korisu56]

Also, take note of the section titled "Let Her Drive" on the right side of the Howard family's website here: http://dormobile.blogspot.com/2010/04/overland-expo-2010-april-16-18-2010.html Not a bad idea; I think I need to take heed of that.

My next jeep is a four door JK. I am usually a stickler about having a manual, but I'm buying an automatic solely for her to be able to drive. I want her to have as much fun as me, so she's going to drive it. I'll keep my '84 CJ for my solo trips and my wheeling trips. :D

[97tjguzzy]

while we are talking about integrating the wife, i really like the idea of the PETT toilet, which shelter do yall use for it and do you use it for your shower as well? I have seen a few threads about the shower inclosures, just wondering what you put your PETT in.

[smslavin]

I think she truly enjoys camping now, well not so much the actual camping part. But she loves getting out in isolated areas.

Wise grasshopper, enlighten me. I'm having one hell of an uphill battle getting everyone out. The issue for me isn't being there, it's getting there.

I eased everyone into it. The girls (all 3) slept in the tent in the living room the day I brought it home. Then we had a camp out in the back yard of my dad's place. From there, we did a trip with another family who had kids the same age. That, was a huge hit.

I'm having a hard time getting everyone excited about the road trip aspect of it. The girls are 8, 5 and 2 and when they're in a bad mood, it's hard to pull them out of it. Recommendations for car games? We don't have a DVD system in the truck and probably won't but the girls have iPods. When the girls' mood goes south, so does my wife's. I run out of ideas trying to pull them all back up.

What to do about getting out there? I mean way out there. I'd love for my kids to see some remote areas and realize that not everything is like this giant megalopolis called SoCal. I just feel like they're so out of touch with their natural surroundings.

[Accrete]

lots of good tips in the prior posts! my 2 bits is to encourage your significant other
to let her inner "McGirlver" out.
She might come up with something like my beloved-McGirlver did. . .
A potty/changing room on-the-go off the back of our TACO : )

http://accrete.com/p-tgl/taco/TLFtaco01c.jpg

http://accrete.com/p-tgl/taco/TLFtaco05.jpg

Happy Trails,
Thom

[wanderer-rrorc]

I'm having a hard time getting everyone excited about the road trip aspect of it. The girls are 8, 5 and 2 and when they're in a bad mood, it's hard to pull them out of it. Recommendations for car games? We don't have a DVD system in the truck and probably won't but the girls have iPods. When the girls' mood goes south, so does my wife's. I run out of ideas trying to pull them all back up.
.

Ive packed toys from home..games..arts and crafts crap...

the DVD player is going next time..

we will bring it on long drives (more than 4hrs each way) just so our oldest (6 soon to be 7) can watch a bit of a movie..very helpful at night when the scenery is blackness...she will watch it and be SILENT...which is a Godsend after hours of her continuious quizzing and singing and talking and talking and talking (its excessive sometimes)...

a buddy of mine will bring theirs...and with our slide in camper we have the power and a nice couple big beds and a hammock inside for her to relax in and watch a movie...once she gets past tired..she's a terror only her aunts can really appreciate (cus she acts JUST like they did at that age!!)

laborday weekend alot of us got together to go 4wheelin and many brought their kids...

crayons..kid cameras..cotton candy..popcorn..movies..dressup things...sure my friends pop-up camper looked like transvestites were living in it..but the kids had an awsome time all weekend...and their WIFES had an awsome weekend...

Ive taken the advice of all in this thread....
showeres..hot water..sink..potty..changing station..comfy chairs..plenty of food...comfy beds...extra blankets..extra pillows...and benadryl..(fer me!!)

they have kept both grown ups from reducing the family number...but we have a 6yr old with music in her head..(thats up her butt alot!)..and TWINS that are just now 11months old...so its alot of stuff..and alot of work..

[Flounder]

It's refreshing to see couples and families getting out into the wilds. I'm always surprised to see how many overlanding men are so quick to ditch the spouse.

I'm super stoked to have a wife that is as comfortable in a Relais et Chateau hotel as she is curled up under a tarp on a backpack trip. It was her idea to live in a tent on the beaches of Hawaii for four months!

That said, there's a seemingly constant evolution to our camping strategies. We go back and forth between very sparse and simplistic to loading the Rover with piles of creature comforts.

One thing that is a constant for us, the less we make our adventures about the toil and monotony of camping the more fun it is.

....and it doesn't hurt I'm the buyer for a premium outdoor store. We know the value of excellent equipment.

[grouch]

I have given up trying. My fiance thinks camping is something men do. No amount creature comforts will make her happy short of a trailer with a shower and a bathroom. There is no way you are going to convince her to drop a duece in a PETT, not gonna happen. She thinks the idea is as gross as it comes. I tried the REI angle and it just wound up costing me money, she likes the clothes but doesn't want to use them as they were intended. Oh well, a guy has to have his alone time right?

[rusty_tlc]

Wise grasshopper, enlighten me. I'm having one hell of an uphill battle getting everyone out. The issue for me isn't being there, it's getting there.

I eased everyone into it. The girls (all 3) slept in the tent in the living room the day I brought it home. Then we had a camp out in the back yard of my dad's place. From there, we did a trip with another family who had kids the same age. That, was a huge hit.

I'm having a hard time getting everyone excited about the road trip aspect of it. The girls are 8, 5 and 2 and when they're in a bad mood, it's hard to pull them out of it. Recommendations for car games? We don't have a DVD system in the truck and probably won't but the girls have iPods. When the girls' mood goes south, so does my wife's. I run out of ideas trying to pull them all back up.

What to do about getting out there? I mean way out there. I'd love for my kids to see some remote areas and realize that not everything is like this giant megalopolis called SoCal. I just feel like they're so out of touch with their natural surroundings.
Just me, the wife and my 80# standard poodle. (He never complains as long as we take him with us.) Back in the day we only had the one child, a boy who was pretty much self contained from day one. We took a brief break from travel when he was in the stage where he wanted to spend time with his friends and we didn't feel comfortable leaving him home alone.

I guess DVD's and maybe a 3G WIFI hub in your truck might help with girls.

If we had three girls I think I would have found a job that kept me away from home a lot. :sombrero:

[rusty_tlc]

I have given up trying. My fiance thinks camping is something men do. No amount creature comforts will make her happy short of a trailer with a shower and a bathroom. There is no way you are going to convince her to drop a duece in a PETT, not gonna happen. She thinks the idea is as gross as it comes. I tried the REI angle and it just wound up costing me money, she likes the clothes but doesn't want to use them as they were intended. Oh well, a guy has to have his alone time right?

She must be pretty special if your willing to give up sharing time together outdoors to stay with her. Maybe a Travel Trailer wouldn't be such a bad idea. Arctic Fox makes a trailer that will stand up to Forest service roads. We had one and did a lot of dry camping* with it. They also make the Desert Fox which is a toy hauler series. Maybe get some ATV's or a side by side?


I don't think I could have married someone who didn't like the outdoors, of course we have only been together 30 years so it still might not work out. :sombrero:

*"Dry camping" is Travel Trailer parlance for camping with no hook ups.

[Maude]

Not to infiltrate on you guys - I am "the girlfriend"... :p (But as of recently, I have my own rig, too.) I was born and bred a City Girl and could probably count on one hand the number of times I had been in the woods prior to the past 2 years. I might also be a slight germaphobe and a little neurotic about keeping the house clean, but who's taking notes, right?

It is so awesome to read all of the kindness and understanding in your posts. As a female constantly requiring patience from my wild man, it means an awful lot to me that he takes the time to teach me things and to remain patient in explaining things that are second nature to him. This helps me "adapt" a lot better, that is for sure! These trips are a whole new world for me, and I think a lot of it has to do with unknown expectations and just being out of my comfort zone. I know my bf has gone above and beyond to ensure that I am as comfortable as possible... and that definitely helps me to get more excited with each and every trip. I am very grateful!

So that being said, my hesitations are much the same as those already mentioned... the "ladies' room" situation, not showering past the 2 day mark, and temps below freezing. I'm learning to be tough but still have my limits... ;) My advice would be just to listen to her hesitations and try to address them as patiently and compassionately as possible.

[Rexsname]

"No showers past the two day mark"


I made a shower so that I didn't feel gross on camping trips. I got a hand pump bug sprayer and a kitchen sink sprayer. One coffee pot full of boiling water in a half-full bug sprayer of ambient temp water makes a nice shower. I usually have enough warm water left over to do the dishes when I am done showering.


REX